Could I love him?
by SarahxSwanQueen
Summary: What if you do what everyone says is the best for you? Would you get your happy ending that you want? Would you be happy? One-shot. First fic. (Henry sees Regina. He doesn't hate her)


**This is my first fanfic swan queen ever. Please by nice on me. All grammar mistakes are on me. Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own OUaT. Italics are the past**

I look upon the mirror and see myself in a flawless weddingdress. I'm nervous, today I'm going to marry Neal, the father of my child. But nothing felt so wrong. I don't love him, but everyone just expects from me to marry Neal. That would be normal, because he's the father of Henry. Snow says to me that together they would be the happy family. They would be king and queen and Henry would be the prince and they would live happily ever after. After they found out about the true nature of Tamara, Neal was devestaded. He found comfort in me and one night he just kissed me and I let it happen. After that moment he asked me out and I said yes. I think I was hoping that maybe I would get back the feelings that I once had for him. My life would be so much easier. I can remember our date like it was yesterday.

_'This will look good on you' Snow says. She takes a blue cocktail dress out of my closet with black pumps. It seems like Snow is more nervous for the date then I am. I take the dress from her and try it on. 'Ow, you look beautiful Emma' And I see Snow gasping. I look in the mirror and I don't know what Snow sees, but the only thing I see is a women who doesn't want to go on a date. 'Don't look so sad Emma. This is the beginning of something wonderful. Everything is going to be good. This is the start of a new beginning with your true love and Henry.' I picture myself with Neal and Henry, but it just doesn't fit. And then I think about Regina, how it would be to be a family with Regina and Henry. And that picture fits, for me that picture fits perfectly. I think about a relationship with Regina, but she hates me. And after the Archie thing, I ruined every oppertunity with Regina. So maybe I can get over her by dating with Neal._

_As on cue the bell rings and Snow rushes to the door to open it. 'Hi Neal, how are you doing?'_

_'I'm doing good and you?'_

_Before she can give answer I come in. 'Hi Neal,' I say and I look everywhere except in his eyes._

_He looks me up and down and says :'You look beautiful Emma'_

_'Thank you'_

_'Where is Henry?'_

_'At Regina's'_

_Snow stands there and expecting some more, but it never came and it becomes quiet. As to break the tension Neal says:'Well, we should go, I reservated at Granny's.'_

_'Great,' I think, 'very original'_

_I get my jacket and we leave to Granny's, leaving Snow with eyes full of hope and Charming with doubt in his eyes. _

_When we get there I see that much people are eating at Granny's. Romantic has never been his thing. We get inside and get our orders. Neal excuses himself to go to the badroom. When I'm waiting I see that everyone is looking at me, like I'm not noticing. They problably are all thinking like how cute it is that the princess and the father of Henry are dating. I look around to all people and they all stop staring and continue eating their food. I continue with waiting when suddenly someone speaks to me._

_'Finally gone mad about the two idiots and escaped to Granny's?'_

_Without looking up I now that it is Regina talking. I recognize her voice and that snarky comment can only come from her._

_'What are you doing here, don't you have a evening with Henry?'_

_'Well dear, he convinced me to take a take away from Granny's. I first was going to reject is proposition, but well he looked at me with his puppy eyes and nobody can deny that.'_

_'Yeah well, he learned that from me.'_

_'I thought so. You didn't answer my question.'_

_'Well, because you want to know it so badly I will tell you. I'm here on a date with Neal.' I looked her in the eyes and wanted to know her reaction to it._

_But it never comes, because Regina looks behind me and suddenly turns around with her take away and opens the door and closes him with a loud thud. I look behind me and see Neal. He takes his seat and asks:'What was she angry about?'_

_I shrug and he doens't asks further. The dinner was to say normal, well extremely boring. There were lots of quiet moments, which he filled up by talking about himself. I nodded sometimes so that it looked like I was listening, but the only thing I was thinking about was Regina and her reaction to the date._

When I think back about it, it was the beginning of very boring dates and a development that I didn't know of how it was going to end. I think about the first time that I met with Regina. At that moment I just thought about how stunning she looked. But when I stayed longer in Storybrooke I didn't see an angry woman like everyone else. I saw a broken woman who despartely tried to show to everyone that she didn't need anybody and that she was strong.

After the date with Neal, Neal often would come around to see me and Henry. One time when I was at Granny's with Henry and Neal, I pictured my future with Neal. What I pictured was a family that on the outside looked happy, but on the inside just didn't fit. I pictured a very boring life with routine. And at that moment when I pictured it, I just felt so scared and did what I always did: run. I excused myself and run away. When I think back it was very irresponsible from me to just leave and leave Henry confused. But it was also one of my greatest decisions.

_When I leave Granny's behind my back, I just walk around with no particulary destination. At some point the harbor popped into my mind and I went there. When I'm there I spot a bench and walk to it and sit. The only thing I do is just staring ahead from me, to the ocean. I don't know for how long I sit here, it could be minutes or hours, but after awhile I hear the clicking of stilletos walking towards me and stop right behind me. And I just know that it's Regina._

_'Don't you have to be with the two idiots and Neal and have you happily ever after?' Regina says with a snark._

_'Do you know how it feels to have a life that you don't want to, but you know that it would make others happy. That it's what the others expect. To know how your future will look like and that your terrified for that future' I ask her softly._

_For a moment Regina is quiet. It feels like it's minutes long. Suddenly she moves around the bench and comes sitting next to me. She staring ahead from her, when she begins to talk. 'I know exactly how it feels like. I had to marry a man who I didn't love. When he proposed to me my mother said yes before I could even register what was happening. He didn't even wait on my response. He just wanted me to babysit on Snow. But that wasn't the moment when I lost my future to an old man. I still had hope, because I still could run away with Daniel. It was when Snow saw us kissing and couldn't shut her mouth about the kiss to my mother, even after she promised me to keep it a secret. Because of her my mother ripped his heart out of his chest and crushed it. At that moment all the hope was gone, vanished. I married an old man and was a babysitter and a women who took care of his pleasures to him. I went from a home where I was abused, to a palace were I was used and abused.'_

_When she's done it's silent again. I always knew that her past had to be horrible, to do what she did. I knew that someone broke her in the past, but I never thought about something that aweful. I now was understanding the reason behind her decisions. Not only was her reason that she wanted a happily ever after, but also that she wanted control. Control over what she does and her future. _

_And then I begin with talking. 'I don't want to be with Neal, but it feels like everyone is expecting that from me. They tell me that it would be good for me, having a family with Neal and Henry. They tell me that it's good for Henry and I know that it would be good for him to have him more around and not only when it's arranged, but why do I keep the feeling that this doesn't feel right, that I don't belong to him?' _

_When I stop talking I see that Regina look at me, she looks deep into my eyes. After a moment she asks me:'Do you love him?'_

_'What?' I ask, stunned about the question._

_'It's a simple question Ms Swan. Do you love him?'_

_After a moment of silent and thinking about my answer I answered. 'I think that I could love him.'_

_'You could?'_

_And with that she leaves and I'm suprised about her question. What does she mean with that?_

After their encounter at the harbor, they would meet every day at the same bench and talk. About serious stuff, but also just about small stuff. Like how their day went. Sometimes they would just sit quietly next to each other and that was fine too. They just enjoyed each others company. I began to learn more and more from Regina's past and she also of mine. We would learn about each others fears and what we liked. And we began to sort of built a friendship. I smile to myself, when I think about it. In the very beginning we couldn't stand each other, but we became very close and discovered that we were more alike then we thought. But one day everything changed.

_When I look up at the sky I see that a storm was coming up. I know that I should go home and stay inside, but I just have to go to the harbor. I have something important to tell Regina and it can't wait. I hope that she is there. When I approach the harbor I see her sitting on our bench. _

_'I have something important to tell you.'_

_'Well hello to you too'_

_'Neal. He asked me to live together.'_

_'Oh'_

_'And not only that. He proposed.'_

_Regina is silent and looks at the ground. I can hear that the storm is beginning and the first droplets of rain begin to fall. _

_'What do you think about it?'_

_'What does it matter?! You have already said yes!' She suddenly screams to me._

_'I didn't. I want your opinion.' I say calmly, not reacting at her sudden anger._

_'And what could my opinion chance at your decision?' She asks. The rains is pouring down harder and there begins to rush a hard wind._

_'Everything.'_

_'You should say yes to him. He's good, he would take great care of you and Henry, with him your feelings are safe.' She whispers so softly that I almost couldn't hear it._

_'So you think I should say yes?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'And what if I want to take a risk with my feelings.'_

_'What do you mean?'_

_'If I'm with Neal my feelings are safe, because there are no feelings. What if I want to have feelings? What if I want to take risk at getting hurt, but feel also love? What if I want to take that chance with you?' I say softly. She looks away from me._

_'No' And my hope fades, she doesn't return my feelings._

_'No as in you don't have feelings towards me?'_

_'Ofcourse I have feelings for you. I've had feelings towards you since the day we met. But you would get hurt by me. Everyone does. Everyone I cared for died. I don't want to lose another person.' She screams and tears are streaming down her face. I'm shocked I didn't know that she feels like that. I take a step towards her, but she takes a step back._

_'Henry, you care for him and he's still here.'_

_'I almost lost him and our relationship is fragile. If I do one thing wrong, it's all gone. I can't have another person in my life that I could lose.' She sobs and know I'm walking towards her before she can back off and I cup her face._

_'You wouldn't lose me. Yes, we problably would hurt each other and have fights, but we would also have love. The beginning wouldn't be easy, but we would manage and get through the hard times. Together.' The rain is now draining so hard that all my and Regina's clothes are drowned. I can't see what the tears are and what the rain. I make her look at me and deep in her eyes I see a glint of hope and love. And that's enough for me. I kiss her hard. Her eyes are open in suprise, but quickly close. She gives in and we begin to kiss passionately. As if there's no time and we have little time left to live. Suddenly we stand in Regina's bedroom by her magic and before I can contain my suprise she kisses my again. _

That night was one of the most remarkable nights in my life. It wasn't just sex what they had. No, it was love making. It was slow and passionately. I can remember how it felt to wake up beside her. It was one of the best feelings in my life.

_I wake up and I feel a warm body beside me and a head on my chest. I look at my chest and see the hair of Regina sprawled over my chest. So looks happy and peaceful. I carefully touch her hair, not wanting to wake her up. But she does. _

_'Hi beauty' I whisper softly. She looks at me with a sleepy face before she realizes that it's me. When she realizes she quickly crawls as for as possible in the bed from me._

_'This is a mistake' She repeatly whispers to herself._

_'Regina, what's wrong?' I say softly while my heart pounds in my chest in angst._

_'I'm so sorry Emma. I shouldn't have done this.'_

_'No don't regret this, please, don't change your mind about things.'_

_'I shouldn't have given in in the first place. I should have kept strong. The only thing I can do is hurt you Emma.'_

_'No, don't say this things Regina.'_

_'You should marry Neal.'_

_'We had this whole fuckin' conversation yesterday Regina, you're not going to take it back.' I scream to her._

_'I don't want to hurt you.' She whispers, pleadingly._

_'You don't want to hurt me or you don't want to take the risk of having your heart hurt?!'_

_'Emma'_

_'No, you're a coward, I should have known better, you're only thinking about yourself. You're indeed the Evil Queen, as long you're feelings aren't hurt it doesn't matter how the others feel.' When I scream that, I regret it immediately._

_'Regina, I'm sorry I didn't mean to.'_

_'No, you're right I'm the Evil Queen. I hurt people. Now get out of my house!' She screams._

_'Regina wait..'_

_'GET OUT!'_

After that morning I haven't seen her anymore. I had sent notes to her to and waited every day at the harbor, but she never came. I once even broke into her house, but there was no one. After the morning that she sent me away I said yes to Neal. Now I had nothing more to lose. My parents and Neal did notice that I changed, but they didn't know why.

Since that morning I every day regret what I said. I miss her every day, but she just disappeared. I hear a knock on my door. 'You can come in.'

'Hi' my dad says while walking in.

'Hi dad'

'Nervous?'

'As hell' And I smile towards him and he smiles back.

'You look beautiful.'

There is a silence.

'Do you love him?'

'What?'

'Do you love him? And answer me honestly, because I see it on your face that you lie when Snow asks you or when you tell Neal.

I sigh 'No'

'Why do you marry him then?'

'Because that would make everyone happy.'

'But you won't be happy.'

'I could get in love with him. I just need time.'

'Emma..'

Charming wants to finish his sentence, but Snow rushes in and hugs Emma. 'Ow you look beautiful' Snow says with excitement. 'You to make a perfect couple.' I nod trying to convince myself.

'Ow it's time' Snow says while watching at her watch. Snow rushes out of the room and my father and I are alone with each other again.

'Well, let's go' I say with a fake smile.

'Emma, you really don't have to do this' Dad says.

'If I do this I'm going to get my happy ending'

'Well, you don't look like you believe in it.'

'Don't make it harder Dad, just... Just let's go' And with that I grab his arm and hook it with mine.

When I walk down the aisle everyone is looking at me. I hear them whispering about how beautiful I look. I look at Neal and a feeling in me tells me not to do this, but I don't listen to this feeling and push it back. I look away from Neal and keep telling myself that my happy ending is nearby, that I love him. And the feeling comes back in again. I ask myself why I don't have the feeling that brides in movies always seem to have. The feeling that she and her husband-to-be are the only thing in the world, that you only see him. I have just the opposite feeling. I hear and see everyone around me. I'm glad my dad walks with me, because otherwise I would have stopped and would have turned around.

I've made it to the end of the aisle. The officiant begins to talk, but I don´t really hear what he´s saying. I force myself to look Neal in the eyes. While I look in his eyes, I all think about is Regina. I force myself to once again think about that morning, so I can convince myself that we would never work out. Suddenly I don´t hear the officiant talking and he looks at me questioningly. 'What's you answer Emma Swan?'

Emma you can do this you just have to say the word. Just one word and it's done. Happy ending.

'Ye...'

'Emma stop!' I hear a scream from back of the church and I immidiatelly know that it is Regina. 'Please don't do this Emma. I'm so sorry. You're right I'm a coward. I'm scared of being with you, because you make me feel. You make me feel more emotions at the same time then I thought was possible. You make me feel scared, angry, happy, sad and... and in love. I can't promise you that sometimes I'm not gonna try to run away or close me off, but I hope that you want to stop me. You're the first one in a long time that makes me feel save. The last one that made me feel like that was Daniel. I'm just scared to lose you, like every person that I loved in my life. But I want to try. I thought my happy ending was taking revenge on Snow White. But it isn't. You are. I love you, Emma and I hope that you want to give me another chance.' When she was done with talking there where tears streaming down her face.

I stood there for a few seconds shocked about what just had happened. Then I turned to Neal. 'I'm so sorry Neal. I thought that... I just... I can't marry you' I whisper to him. Everyone is watching in silent. I walk away and grab Regina's arm and pull her with me. I walk outside with her. When we are outside, I turn to her.

'Are you sure Regina? Because I didn't see you for months and suddenly you turn up at my wedding and tell me you love me. I just don't want to wake up in the morning and realize that you're gone. I just had to call of my wedding with Neal. I just hurted him.'

'I'm sure Emma. I'm so sorry that I turned up so late, it took me awhile to realize what was about to happen. When I waked up this morning, I realized that I would really lose you, that this was my final chance.'

There was a silence.

'I love you too Regina.' I don't know if I should kiss her or not, the last time didn't went well. So I come up with a excuse. 'I hear noise coming from inside. I should go and check up on them. Sort out a few things. Calm Snow. Explain everything to Henry. I will see you tonight at your house.' I turn around, but Regina quickly grabs my hand before I can walk away. She pulls me towards her and kisses me slowly. When we pull away, we both smile. She gives me a quick kiss and pushes me towards the door. 'I wish you luck with Snow. I think she's screaming to Charming by now about true love and this not making sense.' Regina tells with smile.

'Well, then I have to tell her that you're my true love.' I smile back. I walk inside and prepare myself for a long day with trying calm Snow and explain Henry. But at least I can go to Regina's tonight and I realize that I'm walking down my path for a happy ending.

**And what did you think. Love reviews! Any tips?**


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